In poker your big money swings at a cash game, and even tourneys for that matter, are how your big pots work out. In other words do you get paid on your big hands?
I am sick of it. Sick of what you may ask? I am sick of being taken too seriously because I might have the appearance, in clothes I might add, of maybe being in shape or taking care of myself.
I mean how much does it suck to flop a boat and only end up getting slightly more than the blinds? It sucks I tell you. It sucks. Sure I might win an uncontested pot or two along the way pre-flop, and pocket my extra $3. Wooopdeeeefuckingdooo! I want to get paid! I wanna make it rain after my session is over.
I mean you get involved in a nice pot playing 2/5. Preflop raise to 25, and you look down at a pair of snowmen (8 :club: 8 :spade: ). The guy that made the raise has been very aggressive, and has a nice stack in front of him (1K or so), 1 caller in front of you with about 800 and you have about 1750. You sucked out on a big guy earlier because you thought he was bluffing you when he had a Full House, and you runner runnered him for a Straight Flush. You call and after you call there is hesitancy of the guys behind you "Oh the fit guy is in...fuck we better have the nuts," but one of them looks down at KK. He says well maybe THIS time the fit guy doesn't have AA so he calls also (He has a monster stack of 2000 because he is taking advantage of the other people thinking he can't play because he is fat.)
4 to the Flop
8 :heart: K :diamond: 9 :heart:
Nice flop you say. Well the better double check his hole cards, and yep he still have the 10 :heart: J :heart: so he leads out with a $60 bet, next guy peeks at his cards and thinks he is still trapping with his A :heart: A :club: . Wow the pot is now 220, but you feel a little gamble in you so you call the $60. Mr Top set with his K :heart: K :spade: calls as well trying to reel in the big fish. Nice pot is starting to emerge: 340
Turn
8 :diamond:
You almost piss your pants, but since you appear to be fit you simply flex your bicep a little and challenge the table to a push up contest. Mr open ended straight flush draw is sensing he might be up against some monsters so he tries for a free card - check. The next guy, who weighs a good 510, with his AA dies on the spot from a heart attack! Great there goes my action from him. Fuck I wish he was in better shape! So his cards are mucked. In my attempt to simply flex my chest a bit one of my pecs hits a $25 chip and it rolls across the line. I try and take it back, but they say it is a bet. Mr full house is weezing because he just ate 13 chili dogs, and he wants to take advantage of that $25 dead money so he raises to $75. Straight Flush draw looks at me and with the phrase "Man you must work out a lot" mucks his cards, never even taking a glance at the weezing chili dog guzzling fool next to me. I act like it is a tough decision, drink 52 protein drinks and knock out 375 sit ups, then make the call.
River:
Q :heart:
Someone at the table yells "Mother Fucker" as loud as I have ever heard it. I am not sure who it was, but I know it wasn't chili dog because an outburst like that might cost him his life. You think for a bit, do about 1000 jumping jacks, and then decide to check because Chili Dog can't keep from looking down at his chips, and his hands are shaking he wants in so bad. He then bets out $300. "Wow" you say while doing bicycle kicks in your chair "you must have a monster or you are on one big bluff." After a brief session of 6 inches while two of the other people at the table punch you in the stomach you decide to raise. You are trying to suck him in so you min raise to 600. He looks at you, and folds instantly. "If you were 75 pounds heavier I would have put you all in he says"
Fuck This.....Bring on the Donuts, Sodas, and Mexican Food. I am tired of not getting paid!!!!!!
